The past days have been windy and we probably need to cut the pear tree in our garden. It is hollow and sways unpredictably during storms like the one we had last weekend. Every spring, the tree sprouts with lovely white blossoms that reach my window. In autumn, the pears fall on the path that leads to the mailbox, where my mother will then pick them up and cook them until they are deep red and syrupy sweet. It seems this year will be the last time we can enjoy it in that way.
I have been applying to lots of jobs since coming home, and this afternoon I have an interview with my number one choice. My mood is kind of getting the best of me today. I feel like giving up already, but I won’t.
I just wonder what it’s all for lately. Why we live an imperfect life where every moment only happens once – moves out of reach the moment you realise it is happening.
I have this one life and I just want to spend it with him, strolling through parks, eating dinner while watching a movie on the bed, doing groceries together. But this one life gets complicated by becoming increasingly expensive, by putting my boyfriend in a place out of reach from me, by planting all this evil that puts people on the streets. Why does God allow that, when all of us have but one life? Yeah, yeah, there’s heaven and all. But apparently marriage stops as soon as you make it there. No matter how long I live, I don’t think it will be enough time to give all the love I want. So why does my devotion have to end with death?
Well, anyway. I’ll prepare for my interview.
Love,